


You Almost Got Me

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst and Fluff, First Kiss, M/M, Shapeshifter, Tricks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 12:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12507060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Baz is behaving weird lately and Simon tries to figure out what’s going on.





	You Almost Got Me

I can feel my skin prickling. I practically feel it growing hot, and I'm afraid he'll be able to tell. My heart is beating fast in my chest.

It's basically torture. I gulp, and rub my sweaty palm against my trousers. He can tell. I'm sure of it. He is a vampire after all. With his heightened senses, he can pick up on anything. When someone is hungry, when someone is scared, when someone is foolishly in love... Not that I am. I don't have a crush on him. I am investigating.

Baz has behaved really weird in the last few weeks. He suddenly started being nice to me. He helps me with my homework. He sits very, _very_ close to me. There's a little mole just below his ear that I hadn't noticed before. When his voice goes soft, it sounds entirely different than his sarcastic or his mean one...

I'm not an idiot, of course. Baz is plotting something.

He's trying to do... something. I'm just... waiting. Always alert. Always ready for the moment he strikes. It simply turned out to be incredibly hard, with the way he looks at me. Far too often, I find myself losing my mind in his eyes, everything forgotten.

“You're saying it wrong,” Baz says.

He's plotting, that's all.

Suddenly, the corners of Baz's mouth move upwards. I frown. He's not smirking. What's happening?

Oh, Aleister Crowley. He's smiling. He's god damn smiling at me. How dare he?

I'm afraid he hears the way my heart misses a beat.

“And you're holding your wand wrong. Tilt it a bit downwards. Like this.”  
He grabs my hand, to show me how to do it properly. I forget how to breathe for a second. _Okay, Simon. Calm down. Remember what's important. He's a vampire, he's evil, he's a Pitch, plotting, widow's peak, wow wow wow he's so beautiful, no, plotting. Plotting._

I snatch my hand away. He's trying to be my friend, so he can find out my weaknesses. He's trying to use me. Or to get information. He's trying... something. And it's not working. At all.

“Simon, what's going on?”  
_Stop calling me Simon. Stop it. Stop smiling at me, stop being nice._

I am not handling this as well and professionally as I'd hoped to. I am on a mission. I have to deal with this as one. I just have to make sure he doesn't touch me again.

Suddenly, the door snaps open and someone rushes into our room. I can't even see who it is, he's already hurled himself at Baz. Tangled together, they fall to the ground. Baz is trying to throw him off himself and starts to punch him, but the other guy ducks away. That's when I see his face.

“Baz?!” I exclaim and stumble back. They both turn their heads towards me at the same time. _Aleister Crowely. Impossible. No. Nothing's impossible. I know that by now._

Two pairs of grey eyes. Two widow's peaks. Two pretty faces. This is confusing me. But of course it has to be Baz... no one else can get into our room.

They both get up again, their eyes fixated on me. I don't know where to look.

The Baz who came in takes a little step towards me.

“Listen, Snow, you have to help me take him down. He's a – a freaking shape shifter,or something. He kidnapped me a few weeks ago. I can't explain everything now.”  
“You tricked me?!”

Fuck, I should've noticed this. There's no way that that guy is Baz. He was being _nice_ to me.

“Wait, wait, wait – Simon, hold on a minute. Don't tell me you believe him. He's an imposer,” the Baz on the right, who helped me a few seconds ago, says.  
I hesitate.  
“Come on, please, Simon. I thought we were getting closer.”  
He looks at me with pleading eyes. That's not Baz. But the other one isn't either – I have no idea what's going on. I have no idea what to believe. They look exactly the same.

“I thought we were friends.”  
“Friends?” the other Baz chimes in. “Are you seriously buying this, Snow?! In what universe could we be friends?”  
“He's got a point,” I say. “Why would we be friends?”  
“Because I'm sick of fighting,” he mutters.

“But... But I told you that. A few days ago. I can't believe you. I – I -”  
“Simon, your magic!”

It's the Baz on the left again. He comes a little closer and reaches out his hand, as if he was going to touch me.

I can feel it almost overflowing. I know that I'm about to lose control. I don't want to go off.

“Breathe, Simon,” left-Baz says and I try to concentrate on his calm voice. “Slowly.”  
I close my eyes and listen to him counting. It calms me down a bit, but I can still feel the panic coursing through me.

Left-Baz is about to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I flinch back.  
“Don't touch me!”  
So I was right. It _was_ all fake. Only that it wasn't the real Baz, but some shapeshifter. It must've been. But I don't know what to think. For all I know, none of the two people in front of me is really Baz.

“And why? Why would there be an imposer? Why the fuck is this happening?”  
“Probably because he wants to get closer to the Mage. Or you made him angry on one of your 'missions'. I bet there's lots of people out to kill you.”  
I think for a second. Then I remember. The Mage did make me kill two shapeshifters. But there were no survivors – that I know of. What if one of them came back?  
And if so – could I blame them?

I mutter the incantation of my sword, because I know that I'm going to need it.

“He's only telling you this so you'll believe him,” right-Baz says. “Tell me, Simon, when we were friends – didn't that feel right to you?”  
_Of course it felt right to me._

“M-maybe, but – but why would you feel that way? You – you hate me. We're enemies.”  
I look at both of their faces intently, trying to find the mistake, as if I was looking at one of these Spot-the-difference pictures for children. I've never been good at those. But I am good at looking at Baz – I've done it a thousand times before.

I don't know – I just don't know – I feel like my head is going to explode. I lift my sword.

“Why, Baz?” I repeat.

Right-Baz lowers his head.

“It's because I don't hate you at all.”  
I tense up.

“It's because I'm in love with you, Simon Snow.”  
Pain shoots through my body, and I push my sword through his body without thinking. His body drops and I let go of the sword.

Fuck. I just killed Baz. I didn't even think about it – I just knew that Baz would never be in love with me.

( _But I want him to.)_

\- No. No brackets. I want him to be. Period.

And I possibly just killed him. Because maybe – possibly – he is in love with me. Or maybe he was just lying to get me to believe him. I don't know. Oh fuck, I don't know.

“Fuck,” Baz (the one that's still alive) says, too, and he's gone even paler. (I didn't think that was possible.)

Then the corpse transforms – not into a person, but into a small, red stone.

“What is that?”  
“I don't know. Maybe he wasn't even here. Maybe that's what a shapeshifter leaves behind when he dies. Maybe he isn't dead. Let's get rid of it.”  
Baz grabs it from the floor and throws it through the open window.

“Let the merewolves take care of it.”  
So, I was right. It wasn't Baz.

I knew I would've known about that mole. Baz doesn't have one. The mole below his ear was just the shapeshifter's imperfection.

But that also means that Baz was never nice to me. And he never said he was in love with me.

How am I disappointed and relieved at the same time?

Baz sits on his bed and I watch him. (I can't help myself.)  
“Are you alright?” I whisper. He avoids my gaze.

“What do you think, Snow? I get kidnapped by one of the lunatics who want to get revenge on you, spent three weeks in a fucking coffin, finally manage to escape, only to come back to that damn imposer in cahoots with you. I'm splendid, Snow, truly.”  
“But... I killed him.”  
He stays silent for a moment. Then he swallows (I see his throat move).

“Seemed more like a reflex to me.”  
“Yeah, right, I didn't really think about it.”  
“Snow?”  
“I think I have to tell you something.”  
“Why don't you just tell me?”  
“Okay.”  
I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't keep talking. He shifts on his bed. I listen to his breathing. I'm glad he's back.

Why would the shapeshifter turn into Baz, not Penny? After all, Baz was my enemy. I think maybe it knew. I think maybe it imitated the one I felt for the most – and I know without a doubt that that's Baz.

I think Baz is not going to tell me whatever he wanted to say, so I turn away, but then I hear his voice, silently.

“I'm in love with you, Snow. For real.”  
Immediately, I sit up and stare at him.

“So?” he says. “If you're going to kill me, get it over with.”

I keep staring at him. His face looks strangely vulnerable, even in the pale moonlight. I think the soft Baz does exist inside of him. I would like to get to know what he's really like.

“Why would I kill you?” I whisper.

“You killed _him_ ,” Baz answers and his voice is cold. No. Smile at me, Baz.

“He wasn't you.”  
“But you didn't know that, Snow,” he says. _Call me Simon._

“No, I knew,” I whisper and cross the room until I'm standing directly in front of him.

“Are you going to punch me?” Baz asks and draws back slightly.

“Anathema,” I mutter and lean closer. “I thought it couldn't be true.”  
“What?”  
“All of it. You being nice. You being my friend. But especially – you being in love with me.”  
He tilts his head closer to me and I see his eyelids fluttering.

“And now?” he says, his voice growing silent. “Now you believe me?”  
I bury my hands in his hair and pull him closer.

“I don't know.”  
He kisses me. _He kisses me._ This is real. This is happening.

“Yes,” I say when he draws back. “I believe.”

And I pull him in again. I let my fingers glide over his body, to memorize the way he feels under my hands, the way he kisses me, the way his hair is soft. I try to memorize every part, every inch. I want to be able to recognize his smell, his voice, his eyes. I hold him as tightly as I can.

It's _him_.

 


End file.
